the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
