just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
