I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
