he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
