I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
