from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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