alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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