My pussy is not your playground.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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