At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
