Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
