I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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