You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
