Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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