Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
