im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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