Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Less talking, more tequila
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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