i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sarcasm needs its own font
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
