I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I will be naked everywhere
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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