can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
