i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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