so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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