It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
