You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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