I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The Olympian is in my bed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
