I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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