Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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