friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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