You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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