Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
sex in a hospital.. check
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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