my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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