Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
