When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
