Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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