Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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