She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
