there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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