1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize