after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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