Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Actions speak louder than pants.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
