a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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