Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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