that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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