you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's even glitter on my cock...
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