I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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