I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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