I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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