don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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