i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
