True but thats because hes a fetus.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He felt like a one man threesome
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
