You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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