ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
