the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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