My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Houston, we have a squirter
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
