is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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