I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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