my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
