Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
