did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
