That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
