yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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