i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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