Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
