I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
