he wants to bone in the snuggie
No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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