So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.