She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids