u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.