What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.